Nachtrag von Oktober 2019
Well let´s put it like this- life is not always what you suppose. Things change, time flys and when you look back you see how akwadly different everything turned out.
It took me some time to finally accept that my Au Pair year didn´t turn out as I wished. I haven´t had that wonderful amazing experience and a second family in the US; I didn´t make a ton of new life time friends; I wasn´t happy 24/7 and for got sake I didn´t learned how to handle my own life.
If you come back after almost a year abroad people ask you how things have been. They ask what you´ve done and what you´ve seen and you just give the answers they wanna hear. I am sorry for partly lieing. It´s not that I wouldn´t want to tell the truth- Its´s just so hard to admit that you´ve imagined things so diferently.
Was it hard to come home early? Oh hell yes! It was super hard. First of all it was such a big decison for me and I am still thinking how things would have been if I would have stayed in the US. What experiences would I have made? What kind of relationship would it have been? And most of all who would I be.
To be honest I always imagined I would get time to travel, meet new people and just get to know who I am during my time in the states. Turned out that takes probably longer then a year…
It felt so good to be 7000 km away from all the things going on at home, to just stand outside of the system. But it also showed me how messed up some things are. Well, maybe some ask their self what´s wrong with my life. I don´t know- that´s my answer. Once you are on an other continent you kind of start to think differently, you begin to reflect things that you used to take as normal, you ask yourself if what you are doing is the right thing for you. But that´s not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to openly admit that I had some time in the US that I felt miserable. I felt lonely, sad and didn´t know what to do against it. I had friends there, people that I could have talked to-but I didn´t. I believed I had to do it on my own, didn´t want any company to cheer me up.
Well all I wanted to say- I don´t think I am forced to tell people that my year was awesome- it is just easier to do so.
Kleinovitsch 